4 harmless signs that your partner is controlling
Here's how to tell if your partner is controlling.
We all know that looking at each other's cell in a relationship is quite controlling… but there are other seemingly mundane behaviors that should ring your bells. alarm long before.
1- He or she contradicts you on the household chores.
Are your carrots never cut the right way? Your way of doing the dishes is spied on, judged, almost arbitrated because “damn you're doing it all wrong”?
These small quibbles that seem innocuous can however be a potential sign of control on the part of the loved one, according to psychotherapist and sexologist Véronique Jodoin.
Even if you achieve the same result, the process itself becomes more and more toxic.
“Control is about reassurance and predicting how things are going to be. You have to develop the capacity to accept that things are done in a different way [otherwise the dynamic of the couple will never be healthy]”, she explains.
As long as your carrots taste good and your plates come out clean, there's no need to make a whole meal (badum tss).
2- He or she very often asks questions about your activities .
Of course, it is normal for your partner to be interested in your daily life and what you do with your days. It's even better!
No need to get on your high horse because they ask you who recommended this book to you or who you were with at the restaurant.
But if it happens frequently and they become insistent, watch out!
“We may want to think that we are protecting the other, when we do not realize that we are watching them, explains Marie Hazan, psychologist and associate professor at UQAM. It's subtle and not mean, but it infringes on freedom.”
No one wants to date a controlling person. The idea is therefore to ask yourself what is the objective behind these questions… and to trust your inner voice.
Perhaps you know a little couple who always dress the same or always listen to the same music.
So much the better for them to have found themselves. However, the relationship is problematic if one of the partners has been forced to appreciate Charlotte Cardin's discography or Denis Villeneuve's latest film. Same thing if one of the two constantly repeats hating the tastes of the other.
Forcing the other to imitate their preferences and denying the validity of the difference of opinion in a couple are ways of exerting control over their partner, summarizes Ms. Hazan. Needless to say, this type of behavior can quickly become unhealthy, even abusive.
“If you change something in the couple's dynamic, the other person can feel betrayed. It is the fear that you will escape him,” says the psychoanalyst.
Variing the pleasures is therefore always healthy in a couple.
4- He or she is not happy when you are with other people.
If your partner is happy that you are hanging out with your gang of friends, great. If that bugs, phew, red flag!
Same thing if he or she insists that you don't see certain people.
“He is someone who feels threatened if he sees you happy with other people,” says Ms. Hazan. He or she becomes unhappy because he or she doesn't fulfill you.”
No offense to Bella and Edward in Twilight, controlling jealousy, is not romantic. We can never say it enough.
What is a narcissistic pervert?ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ>
We reassure you. Not all controlling people are evil narcissists and it takes more than one trait to identify them. According to Ms. Jodoin, narcissistic perverts go much further to exercise control. They are usually recognized by their self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and emotional coldness. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
Evil narcissists like to belittle, blame, or dominate others. As a puppeteer, he or she will even use seduction, threats or blackmail to achieve this. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
The problem is that narcissistic evil people can't take criticism. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
“Them, they're never wrong, it's always your fault. They are people who manipulate a lot and lie,” she underlines. to change these individuals, since they would have to recognize their problems. It goes against their personality traits.
“It leads to relationships that are always toxic. The only solution is to leave.”
If the reading this article triggers certain emotions or questions, know that there are resources to help you. Here are some of them.
SOS Violence conjugale:
- 1 800 363-9010
- https: //sosviolenceconjugale.ca/en
Federation of women's shelters:
- 514 878-9757
At the heart of a man:
- 1 877 660-7799
- 1 800 263‑2266
Assistance Center for Victims of Crime (CAVAC) :
- 1 866 532‑2822
- https ://cavac.qc.ca/