5 concessions not to make as a couple
Does someone lead more in the couple? Here are examples of concessions not to make!
Being in a relationship sometimes requires small compromises for love, like deciding to go to the museum when you really want to do karaoke. But when does it go too far? Here are concessions not to be made.
1. Bribing our values or our comfort for the other
Even if it seems obvious, your partner cannot force you to make moral choices identical to his.
Would you skydive even if you're afraid of heights just because your partner is obsessed with thrills? Would you deprive yourself of receiving medical treatment because your partner does not believe in the virtues of modern medicine? We hope the answer is no.
“Our values are the root of our identity and of all the decisions that will guide our lives,” says Véronique Jodoin, sexologist and psychotherapist. Compromising on our values is compromising on ourselves, it comes to play with our emotional integrity.
By invalidating who you are intrinsically, you could shake your self-confidence and the risks of falling into a vicious dynamic are then increased tenfold.
2. Doing things you don't want in bed
We can't say it enough, but consent is as important as a couple as when you were single.
It may seem obvious, but it can quickly become insidious.
According to Ms. Jodoin, not respecting your limits can have great psychological repercussions, sometimes even in the long term.
“When we do things our partner likes in bed, but we don't, we won't feel more comfortable doing them next time,” she says .
You have the right to explore, to try new things if you feel like it, but if you don't like it, then no, it's no.
3. Doing the least coolhousework often
You're always the one picking up the little lumps of wet food from the bottom of the sink before doing the dishes? Well, it's time for your partner to do it too.
According to Ms. Jodoin, letting a partner do the tasks you like less can create a feeling of injustice in the other (and with good reason).
“A compromise is implies that it must be clear that one is doing it and that it is not always the same person who does it”, she underlines.
Contributing in equal parts makes it possible to show that you care about each other. Just dive… (his hands in the dishes).
4. Having to choose between your entourage and your partner
It’s Friday night. You are about to go out and your partner throws a fit because they wanted to do a Netflix and chill. What's more, they often tell you that you have to choose between your loved ones and your couple. HUGE red flag, says Véronique Jodoin.
“It's cruel to ask to choose between [the loved one] and his loved ones. If such a situation arises and it makes us uncomfortable, we must address it [rather than give in]”, she thinks.
Accepting the fact that your needs are sometimes different and discussing them is essential, says Marie Hazan, psychologist and associate professor at UQAM.
“Everyone is different. don't mind that my boyfriendspend an evening with his friends. There has to be a certain reciprocity [between the two partners], but we don't necessarily have to be the same.”
< img class="aligncenter" src="/wp-content/uploads/5-concessions-not-to-do-as-a-couplenbsp-f51e03e.jpg" alt="5-concessions-to-not-to-do-as-a-couple " />
The watchword: respect, towards oneself and towards the other.
5. Always let the other decide the meals
Never let the other person control what you eat, even if it may seem tempting to avoid conflict in the kitchen or in the restaurant.
Because yes, you have the right to eat your little McDonald's once in a while!
It is important to respect each other's differences – even when it comes to food – to be fulfilled together, explains Ms. Hazan .
“If he hates sushi, for example, we can find a third choice that suits both,” she says. Without completely giving up our favorite dish, we can say that we will go there less often or go there with a girlfriend.”
For her part, Mrs. Jodoin suggests a “shared custody” method.
“For example, I want to eat Chinese, do you want pizza? This week, we eat whatever you want, but next week can it be you?»
Thus, each person goes their own way. No squabbling at the table!
Balance and communication: the golden rule < strong>
An important rule applies when the time comes to agree on a compromise. It must be egalitarian for both parties and create no discomfort, agree our experts.
Of course, no need to play the compromise police! You also have to use your common sense and adapt to the situation, explains Ms. Hazan. It is therefore important to listen to each other and, above all, to listen.
“Good respectful communication means respecting each other while also respecting the requests of the other,” she concludes.