A day in the life of our OnlyFans
And if Will you finish had his own OnlyFans account?
In order to make ends meet more and more square, we decided to do the easiest business in the world according to people who have never tried to do so: we opened an OnlyFans. I hear girls get rich just by sharing foot pics. We have that, we have feet!
9:30 a.m.: we hold a glass of juice and set up the camera equipment. We have a cell, a ring light and a cutenegligee bought at La Senza on special a few years ago. If you put a filter on, it won't appear that the edges are fraying.
9:45 a.m.: we've exhausted all the sexy poses we could think of, and we only have 12 photos. Half are blurry. There's not a single angle where you don’t look like a potato in heat. It must be the morning light. That's it. We're really more cutein the afternoon.
10:11 a.m.: if we want subscribers (we prefer to say “patron”), we going to have to do some publicity. Hop! One TikTok, three Instagram stories and two posts on Reddit (/r/HotSexyPotato) later, we're in business.
12:22 p.m.:ping! A notification. It must be a client who wants a private session for a thousand piasses!
12:23 p.m.: ah, it's just a sketchy email from our owner announcing the rent increase. A less hot scenario in real life than on Pornhub.
1pm: break to cry in the shower. (We just read the TikTok comments, saw the twelve dick pics in our Instagram box, and we dare not reopen Reddit.)
1:12 p.m.: As long as you’re in the shower… PHOTOSHOOT!
1:43 p.m.: So, today's theme will be “Soggy potato in heat”. There must be a market for that?
3:24 p.m.: we check Instagram and our account has been suspended for a half-edge of half-half woman half-nipple visible through the sweater which was actually a stain of spaghetti sauce. Fortunately, the hateful DMs are still there.
4 p.m.: It’s time to reply to our private messages, i.e. to alternate between faker that we want to chat sexy with strangers who love potatoes and explain that, no, dude, we are not interested in doing business for free.
4:30 p.m.: we haven’t made a penny all day, we are mad to eat potatoes and we are burnt. Hey, who would have thought that sex work was… work?