Are we so “wokes” when it comes to sex?

Are we so “wokes” when it comes to sex?” /></p>
<p>Vulva, LGBTQ2S+ relationships, <em>kinks</em>: sexuality is increasingly part of conversations between friends and loved ones. Despite this, talking about it publicly remains frowned upon, especially when you move away from the standard straight model. Does open-mindedness (still) have limits? </p>
<p>Contrary to what one might think, taboos and prejudices in matters of sexuality remain, thinks the bachelor in sexology and tiktokist Anne-Marie Ménard.  </p>
<p>Although she happily talks about it through viral videos, she finds that discussions about sexual health are not yet normalized, at least that they are less present in the public space than those about politics or mental health, for example. </p>
<p>“I don’t think people are made 100% comfortable having a conversation about sexuality the way we talk about the war in Ukraine or the good weather,” illustrates Anne-Marie. </p>
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Anne-Marie Ménard, tiktoker and bachelor's degree in sexology. PHOTO: Courtesy.

The flagrant lack of sexual education is the main culprit of taboos, prejudices and questioning, according to the young woman. 

It is moreover to provide enlightened answers that she has launched her TikTok and Instagram accounts Aulitavecannemarie in 2020. 

“I see that there is a great need for education around me,” she says. Two years ago I went to the dentist and when I said I was studying sexology, the dental hygienist started asking me [sexually related] questions. As soon as you say you are in sexology, you can expect to be asked a lot of questions.

Today, there are hundreds of thousands to follow his varied and totally uninhibited informative capsules on social networks. 

Discomfort and prejudice 

Certain interactions on Anne-Marie’s videos testify to unease that still persists around certain sexual practices sometimes considered “marginal”, such as BDSM or so-called unconventional sexual preferences (kinks). 

For example, Anne-Marie recently asked her admirers what turns them on in bed (“turn on“) and what doesn't. not (“turn off”). The comments were exposed in two separate videos. The majority of people had no embarrassment to share their turn off, but were a lot less vocal about turn on. Anne-Marie admits having had trouble finding enough testimonials.

“We are like conditioned to talk about the bad sides of sexuality such as the risk of being pregnant or having infections, deplores Anne-Marie. But, when we arrive in the good sides, there, there is an embarrassment. It's hard to say that we have fun, but we are human beings programmed for it. It's just that we don't give ourselves permission [to have it]. 

Others still show a great deal of contempt when sexuality is approached in a non-heteronormative way, in other words inclusively, says Anne-Marie. 

“I just use the expression 'person without a vagina' rather than using the words 'man' or 'woman' and I get picked up by outraged people on TikTok, denounces- she. We still have difficulty not binarizing [sexuality] and understanding that not everyone has a different gender than their sex.” 

It’s not the only myth based on prejudice and an outdated view of sexuality that also circulates online. According to Anne-Marie, many people still believe in the notion of “vaginal orgasm”, whereas orgasm is not caused by stimulating the vagina, but the clitoris, an external organ… and internal. . 

“I don't invalidate the orgasm. All I do is explain it differently,” she says. >

According to Anne-Marie, ignoring one's sexuality can have impacts on physical and mental health. “When you have so many questions that remain unanswered, you develop suffering,” she says. Not being informed about contraception can, for example, bring unpleasant surprises in panties, like thinking that having big attributes is the norm in bed can play on mental balance.

Talking more about sexual health online and on social networks is therefore essential to overcome this lack of open-mindedness, believes the bachelor in sexology. 

< p>In Quebec, there are no more courses devoted to sex education. Since 2018, teachers have simply been required to offer 5 to 15 hours of notions on this subject throughout the school year, at primary and secondary level.

Several voices were raised in the National Assembly in 2021 to have a clearer and more defined educational program in terms of sexuality. Still, niet.

@aulitavecannemarie

Reply to @marcelmilot

♬ original sound – aulitavecannemarie

Social networks seem to have taken over. Beyond the awkward jokes, the tiktoker also gets a lot of thanks from people who feel better understood or understand each other better after watching her videos. 

“There is a man who m approached me on the street and said: I follow you on social media, you helped me get through my last breakup and it helped me understand women, understand how I act , she says. I believe that personal transformation can come through education.”

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