I drink, you don't drink: when taking a hit is hard on the couple!
You like to take a hit once in a while, but your partner doesn't? Yes… can it affect the dynamics of the couple: discomfort, friction, judgement or, on the contrary, harmony? Specialists in the couple analyze the situation.
“There is a greater risk of failure of the relationship when the consumption [between the partners] is different”, affirms the psychotherapist Véronique Jodoin from the outset. ;
According to her, the sober person can experience discomfort in relation to the consumption of the other, find that their behavior changes when they drink and judge them. She may also feel frustrated if, for example, the couple had planned an activity, but the other end up made too much from the day before to board.
Conversely, the person who drinks may feel negatively judged by their partner or may experience a lack of empathy in the aftermath. And this dynamic has the potential to undermine the couple.
The therapist indicates that it is important to communicate and to clarify your expectations regarding the consumption of your better half and to behave respectfully toward each other.
< h3 id="h-tendency-l-adjustment">Adjustment tendency
If the torque does not poke equal, it happens that one of the two people adjust their consumption to the other.
It's like many other behaviors. When we are in a relationship, we tend to adopt behaviors and a way of life similar to those of our partner”, remarks Véronique Jodoin.
Most of the time, we observe that the person who tends to drink more will reduce their consumption, adds Caroline-Messier Bellemare, also a psychotherapist.
Assume your own choices
That being said, Véronique Jodoin does not recommend changing a behavior that pleases us simply to please the other. We must do it for ourselves first and foremost.
“Real change will happen if the person finds benefits for themselves. Otherwise, she may develop resentment toward the other person that somehow forces her to stop doing something she enjoys.”
“The person has to assume 100% of his own decision, agrees Caroline Messier-Bellemare. If we feel that we are being imposed something, we risk reacting negatively.” >Thus, according to her, a person who stops drinking for others must fully assume his choice and not put the blame on the other as soon as something is wrong related to their sobriety.
Conversely, a person who chooses to put the bottle must understand that it is a decision and accepting the fact that others don’t have to follow their good resolutions.
“For a couple to function in this situation, it takes two responsible people and mature, able to communicate, take responsibility for their [personal] choice and not impose it. ser to the other”, concludes Mme Messier-Bellemare.