No panic or picnic

Don't panic or picnic

What is that, that word? Picnic? Contrary to popular belief about its etymology, the second word does not refer to a French-style sexual act, but rather a “little thing without value”. And that’s what we sting. That's what takes the pressure off you: picnicking is going to eat crap, but in the park. But which crap, in which park? A short guide to picnics. 

Parks that don't do the trick: the housing stock, the car park and the parking meter (puns are allowed, sparingly). 

The parks that do the trick: the one where there are still five square centimeters free to put your tablecloth between people playing Finnish skittles, this game that looks like it belongs to a sad child from the 1930s. 

The muststo bring: Because it’s practical and you don’t need to go to Ricardo-dotte-com to find out how to make it, we prefer the chamoiche. Without forgetting the vegan option: the two slices of bread with mustard in the middle.  

If you own a small barbecue and feel like ruining the day of the flat family who brought flat sandwiches with your Maillard reaction smell, you can barbecue outdoors. Not to mention the vegan option: the two briquettes with mustard in the middle. 

If you join a group, do like all the other guests and bring a bag of chips, which will be added to the stack in the middle of the table. Stack that everyone will watch wondering if it is still done, eating in gangs from the same bag, in 2022. 

A few rules of courtesy: 

  • The whole of Mount Royal does not need to hear against your will your latest playlist of trap dubstep fusion eurodance. Nor your personal Wonderwall cover on the djembe. your home spikeball kit. Or in a dumpster
  • If you see a wasp, stay calm and don't try to chase it away. She too is looking for a place to stay for less than $2,100 not far from Laurier Park. 

Finally, before leaving, pick up all your trash, including your empty Whiteclaw cans and your boyfriend. Bruno who catcallswomen who jog. 

This column was written with the financial support of from the Greater Montreal Ants Association. 

* To delight you even more humor from the duo behind Are you going to finish?, heading to their website.

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