Open your couple: 3 good and 3 bad reasons
The sexologist Myriam Daguzan Bernier popularizes certain sexual questions with “The head in the ass”.
Do you want to renew your relationship? Need to dust off the romantic and sexual routine a little? It can be tempting to open up your relationship, just see what happens. But, butterfly minute! It is not a small step and, above all, it is organized. A short guide to the good and bad reasons for venturing into ethical non-monogamy.
Open couple, swingers, swinging, polyamory; these various amorous, affective and/or sexual configurations are part of non-monogamy. In short, we get out of monogamy – the couple model for two – to explore various consensual arrangements that better suit our needs. For example? Being in a couple of three (a trouple) or, even, opening up your couple to go to other partners. There are plenty of possible variations.
We speak of “ethical” non-monogamy, because it is done in full view of all those involved, in transparency and honesty.
It may seem tempting from the outside, but taking the step towards non-monogamy still requires a little thought. And, above all, to fully understand the reasons that motivate you. Ultimately, the best person to know if non-monogamy is right for you is you. But, to avoid unpleasant surprises, here are some things to consider to take your first steps in this universe.
✅ “We want to live this together”
Do you have a mutual desire to open your horizons? Awesome! At first glance, the couple is not always on the same wavelength on this side. It often starts from the curiosity of one or the other and not necessarily of both. And that's okay.
Once this has been discussed, we have seen what can suit each person and, above all, we have taken the time to better understand the expressed needs and limits of each partner, it can become a desire. that can be really fun to explore together.
✅ “I would like to discover new facets of my sexuality/love personality”
Even if we adore his or her partner, this person probably cannot meet all our needs. You may want to explore other aspects of your romantic/emotional/sexual life. And even, to want to discover other facets of their gender identity, for example.
Opening up the couple is a way to rediscover yourself, but also to see your partner in a different light. It can change the dynamic and allow you to live experiences that renew the relationship, even the passion!
✅ “We love each other, but we need renewal”
You have confidence in your union; she is solid. On the other hand, you have the feeling of having gone around the owner. In short, the exploration of non-monogamy appeals to you, a question of tossing the dice a little. Why not? Love can take all kinds of forms.
Among these are compersion; the fact of feeling a real joy to see the other having pleasure. Not necessarily easy to achieve (let's face it!), it's still a great way to develop the relationship towards a deep appreciation of each other's happiness.
Non-monogamy requires a lot, what am I saying, A LOT! Communication. If the couple is struggling, the exchanges are difficult and conflicts punctuate their daily life, this risks highlighting in greater detail the problems already encountered. It's a bit like saying: there's a fire in the house, so let's go to the neighbor's while it passes.
Better to address the issues, see how it can improve and, if ever the desire is still there, to assess how opening the relationship can contribute to well-being of the couple.
❌ “I want to please my.my partner who wants it (but me, not so much)”
I have seen several scenarios where a person wants to please his or his partner who has expressed a desire to explore the openness of the couple. As a party favor. And there is nothing wrong with that.
The only thing is that people often don't see all the implications behind it. Is it once for funand we talk about it more? An opening to other possibilities? Do we do it together or individually? With who? Strangers or people around you? And how will the person who wants less feel? Is the experiment really done in mutual consent? The question must be asked.
❌ “Our sex life is unsatisfactory”
The danger with this is that looking elsewhere will probably not solve relationship issues. It does not really allow you to question what is problematic and what changes to make to find sexual satisfaction within the relationship. In fact, it will rather put them aside. And, since nothing is settled, it can easily come back into the picture.
In the end, you are the expert on your relationship. The reason that pushes you to open the couple will certainly be the right one for you. That said, keep in mind that non-monogamy can be improvised more or less. Because, to ensure that it leads to an enriching experience, respectful and free of insecurities and suffering, it is better to put your cards on the table, install good communication and clarify your intentions above all. You also have to remain open to lots of possibilities: (again) falling in love, discovering new pleasures, knowing all new aspects of yourself, questioning your values and your needs….
The rest?Have fun!