Taking a dildo out in bed by surprise, danger!
While sex toys have wonderful benefits for sexually healthy couples, it may not be advisable to wield them without warning. Here's what you need to know to avoid mishaps in the bedroom.
According to Kanica Saphan, sex therapist and owner of Sexological Sofa, toys are suitable for duos (or trios, we are not judging) who have an active sexuality and, above all, who have open dirty conversations.
Trying something different can spice up the antics.
But “we will agree that for many people, talking about sex toys or sexuality is very embarrassing”, she nuances.
Sex toys should not become a short-term solution. Photo: iStock
Because too often, she says, toys are misunderstood as a way to save a failing couple or a lackluster relationship.
According to Ms. Saphan, problems in bed often stem from much more complex situations, such as a lack of communication or openness to others.
< p>The use of sex toys is not a magic solution to serious relationship problems, just as a bandage on the elbow cannot solve pneumonia. “When people talk to a sex therapist about sex toys [considering them as miraculous cures], it's like talking to a pharmacist about plaster or a tampon,” she says. .
To harm instead of enjoy
In some cases, popping out a big dildo out of the blue can otherwise be seen as a sexual failure by the other.
“If not discussed beforehand, it can come insecurities, thoughts like, 'am I not enough?'” says Ms. Saphan. Not everyone gets aroused or enthusiastic when sex toys pop up in bed.
L art of communicating well
If you want to bring this into the bedroom and have a harmonious sex life, it is absolutely necessary to make an appointment with the loved one to discuss it.
“Often, this is to arrive and say: “hey, I would like to talk about something related to sexuality, we can talk about it now, if not let me know when you are ready or when you are available”, advises Ms. Sapphan. It allows you to be emotionally ready for this discussion.”
According to the sex therapist, it is important to talk about it without embarrassment, while respecting the limits and opinions of your lover. .
“You have to know how your partner is feeling first,” she says. And you have to be in I listen mode and I welcome what the other is saying. There's no other way to talk about it,” she says. ;Otherwise… a little visit to the sex therapist can help you unblock a lot of things in bed.
